Behavior Problems

Read through the Quick Assessment at the Right to think about if you are faced with any of the following with your children?

There are hundreds of possible behavior problems.  The list at the right is just a sample of things that you could need help with.  As you look over this list you could be telling yourself that you have some of these issues in your family / home.  We have experienced counselors at Cornerstone Psychological Associates that can help you address these and other behavior problems. 

There are many ways to address these behavior problems.  You could simply need education about what to do in these situations.  You may want more understanding of why these behaviors are occurring.  You may want to address the problems but feel guilty or like a “bad person” if you get confronted by the person with the problem.  You may have tried to address the issue already and been told you were controlling or critical instead of being seen as offering help as you intended.

We would like to match our experience and expertise to your problem.  We will give you the individual attention you need.  We treat you with respect and help you to reach the goals you want to achieve.  We can tailor the help you want to a style that works for you.  We know that arguing with the other person (adult or child) rarely gets the desired results.  We understand you are busy and it is hard to be consistent all the time.  In most cases to take a solution and try to apply it all at once leads to disappointing results. 

You are learning a new skill just like the people in your life are learning about your new responses and actions.  It is best to pick a specific thing you want to change and do that consistently until it comes more naturally.  Then when you add a second step it comes more quickly.  Then the new style of interacting becomes more automatic and natural.  It is like once you learn to drive a car it is very hard to get you to go back to riding a tricycle.  You like the new way of doing things better. 

It is possible to solve a problem from the top down by applying new logic to the situation.  It is possible to focus just on addressing the bad feelings of a problem and learning to resolve them.  It is possible to work from the inside out by examining your beliefs about a problem and how to act or not act in a problem situation. 

Your thoughts, feelings, and beliefs are linked with your body and mind to address the problems in your life.  Typically, we find that a person is doing different things in each area so they are fighting within themselves.  It is important to have your thoughts, feelings, and beliefs in harmony to be strong and confident in facing a problem.  We can help you be more aware of what is going on inside you so that your efforts are coordinated and more effective in the problem area.  This taps into an inner strength that is calmer in the face of a problem.  It is much easier to solve a problem if you are not feeling overwhelmed or angry. 

It is helpful to remember that the person with the problem needs you to be bigger, stronger, wiser, and kind.  It may be that the first step to address the problem is to get some space and calm down yourself.  Then when you are calm enough to remember that the person with the problem needs you it is safer to return to the problem issue.  If the other person is still upset it is useful to calm them down by listening to their point of view.  Be curious about what they see is the problem this time.  What are the facts, feelings, and the meaning of this problem in the person who has the problem?  Then after you know the problem like the person who has it, you can share the facts, feelings, and meaning you see in the situation.  From this calmer and connected place it is much easier to address the problem as a united team rather than adversaries.  From a “we” perspective the problem is easier to solve. 

There are three things that shut down the relationship between you and the person with the problem.  These three things are: Judgment, Advice, and Blame. (JAB)  They build walls and reduce trust.  It is good that emotions are logical and follow predictable rules.  This makes trust easier to build.  There are five things that build trust in a relationship.   These five things are: Play, Love, Acceptance, Curiosity, and Empathy.  (PLACE)  This works between parents and children.  It works between peers of any age.  It works between spouses.  These five principles are very predictable in the closeness they can bring. 

If you would like relief from your problems, give us a call.  Like most problems the earlier they are addressed the easier they can be changed.  You will be glad you called us today to schedule your initial consultation.  We are accepting new clients and you can work with one of our well trained therapists / counselors/ or psychologists soon.   Give us a call at (208) 373-0790.